happy 7 months tucker! 

i feel like this last month was one of the hardest and best since tucker was born. and it mostly all had to do with sleep, the bane of every new parent. tucker's nighttime sleeping was just getting worse and worse between 4 and 6 months. he was waking every 1-2 hours each night. i was losing my mind. i felt like i was working non-stop 24/7 and my days and nights were filled with frustration and anxiety. after i had tucker, i never thought i could do cry-it-out because when you have a baby, you just gain this deep maternal response to your baby's cry. but i had had enough and i realized i was becoming a worse mother and wife because of the toll it was taking on me. so i decided to let him cry and leave him completely alone at night. well...it actually only took one night. tucker cried pretty hard for 15 minutes and that was it. since then, going on three weeks now, he sleeps 10-11 hours straight every night. sometimes he lets out a single cry once or twice in the night but that's it. it has made the biggest difference in my life! because i know i can count on a good night's sleep and a break from the rigors of the day, i am 100% myself again, happy and excited about each day. and he seems happier too, better rested and healthier.

here's what's up with tucker bear lately...

* cut his first tooth last week! lower left incisor. 

 

* loves to squeal and shout! he's got some lungs.

* hates solids. i've tried a ton of different veggies and fruits, but he just hates the feeling in his mouth. i've tried super watery and a little thicker and nothing will do. i give him oatmeal in the morning and distract him enough to get a little down and some sort of veggie or fruit at night but he won't usually have any of that.
* i introduced the sippy and he's actually doing pretty well with that.
* still no crawling but he seriously likes to move as much as he can. he is wiggly and busy!

* hates getting wet, which makes bath time a crying struggle. i went back to sponge baths and he does better with that until i get to his hair and face.
* still very alert and studious.

i feel like he's growing up so fast! he is seriously fun and we love him so much!

i remember last stake conference when i was pregnant thinking about this stake conference and how i would have a 6 month old baby. i thought about how big he would be, what he would look like, and how he would act. well, this stake conference with our little 6 month old was one of the best conferences i've been to. tucker was super wiggly so tyler took him out almost the entire time and i got to just sit and listen. elder oaks was there, a pretty big deal since our stake hasn't had an apostle visit in almost 20 years.

i'll be honest, being a mom has been hard on me. i feel like there's so much on the line and that i just keep messing up. but i think that is part of being a mom; there has to be trial and error. and oh, there's a lot of error. anyway, elder oaks brought me comfort knowing that i am doing what god wants me to do when he said, "if you are married and have the opportunity to have children, but are choosing not to, you are ignoring a vital step in heavenly father's plan." as hard as it is throughout every single day and night, i know this is what i'm supposed to be doing and learning right now.

the closing hymn in conference was "because i have been given much." i couldn't help but feel the message this was giving me. being a wife and mother, i have never given so much all the time in my whole life, with the exception of my mission. i feel like i just give, give, and give even when i feel like i can't give anymore. but i realized during that hymn that i have basically taken most all of my life. and now it's my time to give.

so now at 6 months tucker is...

* using consonants. he says "gee," "mamamama," and "babababa" all day. i'm counting "mama" as his first word. :)
* sitting up. he still tips over every once in a while, but has it pretty much mastered.
* getting super wiggly. i don't even want to think about this boy as a toddler.
* getting his knees far underneath him when on his tummy but still hasn't gotten up on all fours.
* loving his dad. his whole face lights up when daddy comes home.
* getting bored of his toys. i take him out somewhere every day because he'll just whine if he has to play with the same old toys all day.
* hating his bath. he'll scream through it lately. i'm going to try doing it earlier in the day because i think he's just tired when he has it right before bed.
* starting solids. i just gave him his first oatmeal cereal today and he wasn't really having it. i'm hoping he'll warm up to it.
* eating really well. i'm so glad to have breastfeeding under control (for now).
* still sleeping horribly at night. i started reading healthy sleep habits, happy child and have implemented some of the tips. it's really helped! last night was a lot better, so i'm hoping it lasts. but i am planning on cry-it-out in the next week or so. heaven help me.

on another note, i recently read "my story" by elizabeth smart. i read it in four days which is pretty astonishing if you know my reading habits. for some reason i love these real-life kidnapping stories, like a stolen life by jaycee dugard. anyway, i thought elizabeth wrote the book really well. i was a senior at east high (the school she went to) when she was missing. and the night she was kidnapped my friends and i were out toilet-papering in her neighborhood. but wow, she went through hell. i didn't realize that not only did he rape her everyday, but he also made her get drunk and do other nasty things all the time too. whenever i think i have it bad, i remember her. it's really interesting the little miracles that happened along her journey and how much she thought about and didn't lose faith in god. what an inspiration.

some recent pictures of our tucker bear...

 loving daddy time

 everyone needs a "special" picture, right?

 loves his jumparoo

crazy kid, loves to hang upside down

it's so interesting how different my perception of being a mom was before i had a baby. well, i really had no perception of it at all. i knew i was completely naive about the entire experience. i expected it to be wonderful and hard, and i was right about that. but some of the things that are wonderful i didn't expect. and some of the things that are hard i didn't expect.

i didn't know how funny babies are! tucker has me cracking up every day. he really makes me laugh hard at some of the things he does: his wild sucking on everything he can, his growling and furrowed eyebrows, his high-pitched gasps at every new discovery, his thousand different faces, how fast his little legs can kick. he is a hoot.

i didn't know how deeply and unconditionally i would love this kid. even when i'm up all night with him or even when he won't eat and my patience wears thin, i never lose an ounce of love for him.

i didn't know how incredibly frustrating the nights would be. i always heard friends complain about the nights but wow, they are rough. tucker might be especially difficult at night, and i hope my other babies won't be such horrible sleepers, because i don't know how i could do it again.

i didn't know how hard breastfeeding would be. thankfully we've gotten it all straightened out now and he's a great eater, but the beginning was emotional torture. i don't think there's anything worse than knowing your baby is hungry and not being able to help him.

i didn't know how difficult it would be to keep up my appearance. i still wear sweat pants every day and my hair in a bun. i manage to put on some mascara most days and i feel pretty good about that. i haven't dyed my hair since before tucker was born because that's a 4-5 hour process and he does not do well when i'm gone that long. and forget about blow drying and straightening my hair. that's the last thing i want to do for 45 minutes when i finally have some free time. i now understand the practicality of the "mom haircut." i'm also still pretty heavy. i've got 20 lbs of that baby weight hanging on. i guess that's not that bad considering i put on 55 lbs with tucker. but i don't fit into many of my pants and skirts and struggle finding something to wear to church. and my wedding ring still doesn't fit. a part of me wishes i was skinnier and wearing cute clothes with cute hair. but it's just not practical to play with a baby all day in jeans. and i'm not about to go on a diet while i'm breastfeeding.

well tucker's 5 months now! he just keeps getting better and better. right now he loves:

* to grab, pinch, and scratch everything! it's not usually too painful except when he grabs my hair (like 10 times a day) and scratches my side while feeding.
* to chew and suck on everything in sight.
* to watch people eat.
* to watch football and scream every time the ball is thrown.
* to stare at chip bags, my water bottle, any electronic, and trees.
* to squeal and shout. i'm surprised how loud he can be.
* to laugh. we get him to laugh every day now and once he laughed so hard this week that tears came out of his eyes. ah, love it.

lately he's been a champ with standing and learning to straighten his back while sitting. he's still pretty far from sitting on his own though; our pediatrician said he'll have a hard time sitting up because he's so long and lean. he doesn't roll over much at all anymore and just prefers to lie on his back and chew on whatever he can.

this week his nighttime sleeping finally started to get better. i was talking to the girls i nurse with each week at church and telling them how great it was to only get up 2-3 times a night this week and they both looked at me and said, "that's an improvement?!" when i was used to getting up 5-6 times every night for a month, yes, that's an improvement and it's been great. so i hope he keeps it up!

i am really liking being a stay-at-home-mom. i like being able to plan my day and activities, for the most part, how i want them. i like being able to stay on top of the housework and not feel like it's such a pain like i did when i was working. i like being able to spend so much time with tucker. i can't imagine having to work and being away from him.

tyler's doing well now in his 2nd year of med school. he's got finals this week so i haven't seen him much, but that's not really new. he's just trying to survive all this bookwork until next year when he starts rotations.

happy 5 months tucker bear!

It is crazy how fast these kids grow up! Tucker's 4 months now and hit a big milestone recently with rolling from back to front. He usually toots when he rolls too. Takes some major ab flexing to get over! Now that he's mastered rolling, he will not stay on his back. He's on his tummy all day and he loves it. He's always loved tummy time. Now he just gets frustrated that he can't crawl.

Tucker also started laughing a lot lately and I pretty much spend all day trying to get a laugh out of him. It's the best.

I think he might start teething soon because he can not keep his hands out of his mouth and he's drooling constantly. He loves to chew on everything and bites hard!

I love this little guy so much and it's so fun watching him grow and change every day.

This past month has not been without its challenges, though. I've now had two plugged milk ducts. They're so awful! Luckily, I discovered them early and was able to get each out within hours, but they're so stressful because if you don't clear them, you risk mastitis. They're such a pain to get out because you have to massage the heck out of your breast during feedings, which is annoying to the baby, and both painful and exhausting to me. Tucker's also starting to get way distracted during feedings. I stopped opening the curtains even, but sometimes he still can't keep his attention on eating. He almost always has at least one distracted feeding a day. Breastfeeding has been way harder than I thought it would be. I really think it's one of the most selfless things a mother can do for her baby.

Tucker also really struggles with sleep. He's always been super alert and active, since day one, and seems to never want to sleep. He's in bed from about 7:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. but he wakes three times to feed, only sleeping for about 2 hour stretches in between. Luckily he goes right back to sleep after feeding, but I feel like the sleep deprivation is really taking its toll. But since he had his feeding problems when he was first born, I'm always worried about him getting enough food, so I don't really want to sleep train or not feed him at night quite yet. I wouldn't mind feeding him once, or even twice, if only he would sleep 4-5 hour stretches instead of 2. If you have any suggestions of what helped your baby sleep better, please let me know!

Tyler's been gone a lot too with school. He's trying to stay more on top of his school work this year, rather than cramming. He's got boards too next summer, so with all his extra studying I don't feel like I see him very much. It leads to a lot of lonely days. I love my time with Tucker every day, but I miss having adult time too.

I can't complain though. Even though having a baby has been a huge adjustment for me, I count my blessings that I do have a healthy baby and an amazing husband.

I feel like things have finally calmed down a little in my life. Tucker's getting older and is much easier to manage. He hardly ever cries now and is a lot of fun! He's 3 months old and is taking this growing up thing serious. He now holds his head up without many wobbles, grabs objects and of course puts them right in his mouth, laughs, and rolls from front to back! It's so fun watching him grow and develop and especially fun the more he interacts.

Tyler had a busy mini-semester in July that's technically the beginning of his 2nd year of med school. He had a pathology and pharmacology class. He was gone a lot as it's a sped up semester and he had to spend a lot of time studying quickly. He passed though! Pharmacology is apparently one of the worst classes in med school so he's glad he passed and got it over with.

Tyler had a few days off until fall semester started and his sister Jamie came out to visit. It was a lot of fun hanging out with her and we're glad she got to spend time with Tucker.

 First swim! He wasn't too sure about it.

 Love his cute little body

Little stud hangin out at the beach

I feel like I'm getting a lot more used to being a mom. The days aren't so stressful for me now that we're getting into a routine and Tucker's more predictable. Right now he's feeding 6 times during the day and about 2 times at night. He takes 4 naps that are about 45 minutes each. He still only sleeps about 3-4 hour stretches at night but sometimes he'll surprise me with a 6 or 7 hour stretch. I think I'm more concerned with him getting enough food than with my sleep so I don't mind getting up.

It's such a different life being a mom than working. I don't miss teaching or the regular stress of any job, but caring for a baby is a lot more work than I thought it would be. I'm going all day and night, but somehow I have the energy to do it. And I love it. I feel so happy with my little family.

These past two months have been the craziest months of my life. I always heard that a baby will change your life but, whoa, I didn't realize how much. I also didn't know how correct people are when they say babies are hard. Motherhood is way harder than I thought it would be. I love it though and I love this little guy so much! It's beautiful and frustrating, fulfilling and challenging.

Tucker's two months old now. He is a little ball full of energy. Here's what's going on with him lately...

* He smiles all the time - this big goofy grin that's sometimes accompanied with a little hint of a laugh.

* He's found his voice and loves to coo and talk with Mom and Dad.

* He loves his stuffed monkey (Milo) and will stare at it longer than anything else.

* He also loves staring at lamps and clocks.

* He loves being outside.

* He's the biggest wiggle worm on the changing table.

* He doesn't do too well with naps or sleeping at night - right now he goes about 3 hour stretches at night

At Tucker's one month check-up he was only in the 15th percentile for weight. I knew something was wrong. He never seemed satisfied when feeding. Nursing didn't hurt though so I wasn't sure what was wrong. I finally decided to have a lactation consultant visit. She verified my fears: Tucker was starving. He had a shallow latch and chewed most of the time instead of sucked. She put me on a plan: I have to feed every other hour and after every feeding I have to pump for 15 minutes. Then I give the expressed milk to him with the next feeding. We also have mouth exercises to do with him to help him to suck. It takes so much time doing this! My entire day is pretty much consumed. But it's working. At his two month appointment Tucker had gained 4 pounds since his one month appointment! It was such a relief to know he's healthy and getting enough to eat. Really, when he's healthy and happy, so am I. I'm still on this lactation plan and am not sure how much longer I will be. But whatever works, works.

Tyler blessed Tucker last week at church. He was a champ during the blessing. He slept through the whole thing. He wasn't happy after though. Both of my parents and Tyler's dad and brother came out. The guys enjoyed fishing, swimming in the ocean, and eating out. All Grandma Teena wanted to do was play with Tucker.

 3 weeks old - his newborn shoot

 He LOVES his dad

 I can't get enough of these towels

 Meeting Grandpa Kev

 Tucker's biggest fan: Grandma Teena

 Meeting Uncle Talon

All the men who participated in his blessing: Uncle Talon, Grandpa Jim, Dad, and Grandpa Kevin

Tucker James. Born 4.24.13. 6 p.m. (5:59 to be exact) 7 lbs 12 oz. 21". 

This little guy is now 17 days old. We're absolutely in love with our little monkey.

What a crazy experience this all has been! So here's a rundown on all the chaos...

4/22
I had my regular 39 week check-up with Doc. I was at a 4 and the amniotic sac was "bulging" through the cervix. (What kind of a term is that?) Doc notified me he was going out of town on Thursday so he wanted to induce me the next day! I freaked out. I cried as I left the office because it really didn't hit me until then that Baby was coming soon.

4/23
6 pm: My mom arrived from Salt Lake.
8 pm: My mom, Tyler, and I checked in to the hospital. Tyler had a final exam the next morning at 9 am so we were in a hurry, hoping Baby would arrive before then. Little did we know he was going to take his sweet time...
10 pm: I'm induced with Pitocin. Still at a 4.

4/24
2 am: I start to feel my first pain. It was just dull lower back pain. No contraction pain. I'm only at 6!
6 am: I get the epidural. (Still at a 6. Pain is not any worse. Just feels like bad period back pain.) I didn't really think the epidural was painful, just shocking and weird feeling. About 10 minutes later I feel no pain at all. I felt the best I felt since I got pregnant. Absolutely no aches or pains. It felt pretty dang good. Oh, and in goes the catheter. How pleasant.
7:30 am: Still a 6! Doc breaks my water. Tyler decides he's not going to his test. I guess a baby takes priority. For the next few hours we just hang out, take little naps, chat, and watch tv.
3 pm: I am finally a 10.
4 pm: I start pushing. Through the next hour I'm pushing hard but Baby is going nowhere. My contractions actually get further apart and weaker. Apparently my uterus doesn't know how to deliver a baby.
5 pm: Doc gives us a talk and says we have three options: continue pushing with little hope of progress, use a vacuum, or c-section. The last thing I wanted was a c-section so we opted for the vacuum. Doc suctions it onto his little head and through the next hour pulls way hard on the attached string (Tyler said Doc's hands were shaking he was pulling so hard) as I push as hard as I could. I was pushing so hard my glasses were steaming up. With two pushes left to go, Doc gave me a wicked episiotomy, cutting from hole to hole.
6 pm: After 20 hours, little Tucker made his appearance! Doc plopped him on my tummy and immediately my mother bear instincts took over as I started acting a fool, freaking out because he wasn't making any noise. He got cleaned up and while he did I asked to see the placenta, immediately throwing up afterward. Gross. We snuggled and got acquainted.

The next two days in the hospital were pretty horrific. I swear my tailbone broke in half it hurt so bad. I couldn't really move at all while I was in the hospital. The first time they got me up to go walk to the bathroom I blacked out. I lost a lot of blood from the episiotomy. I proceeded to look like a legit ghost for the next week because I had no blood left in my body.

The recovery's been rough but we are just so happy to have little Tucker here and that he is healthy! He had jaundice but not enough to go under the lights and it's all gone now. He's been a lot of fun so far. He makes the funniest faces! And I could just stare at him all day. He definitely looks like his dad when he was a newborn, except for the hair. Tucker's got brown hair and a lot more of it than his dad did. He's pretty active and actually doesn't sleep a whole lot. He hates to have his diaper changed and would love to be on the boob all day if he could. Breastfeeding was really rough the first week until I called a lactation specialist and she told me to lie down. Hello! Huge difference. We're learning a lot and are loving getting to know each other.

Welcome to the world Baby Tucker!

i think it finally hit me this week that this baby is coming soon. pregnancy is pretty miserable and i'm ready to be done but i'm almost more nervous for the delivery and to be a mom.

i feel like being a new mom will be like the first year teaching. you learn so much in college about how to be a good teacher and you think you're prepared, but the thing is you have to first learn what works for YOU while you're actually teaching. there's really no way to anticipate what techniques are best for you before you actually get there. i think that's why there's so much information, different theories, and opinions on how to be a good teacher (and a good mom), because different things work for different people. i've read quite a few baby books, a lot of articles, and talked to a lot of new moms and i feel somewhat prepared but i know it's going to be a huge learning curve as i learn what works for me and Baby.

the first year of teaching was not pleasant. it was rough because it was so much trial and error. i'm thinking the first bit of being a mother will be the same. although that's pretty daunting to me, i know i'll learn and will eventually figure it out.

i'm not totally freaked out about being a new mom. i'm pretty excited too. i can't wait to see this little guy. i can't wait to see what he looks like, how much he weighs, if he has tons of hair like his mom did or is a bald baby like his dad was, and what his little personality will be like. i'm excited to meet this little man whom i've never known on this earth but who will forever be a part of my family.

i'm now 36 weeks and the end of this pregnancy is still not as bad as the beginning. i hated feeling nauseous all.the.time. the worst part of it now is just feeling absolutely ugly and huge. the only time in my life that i felt uglier than now was on my mission. that's a hard one to even come close to. but i've gained 50 lbs now and my hands, feet, and face are permanently swollen. sleeping's not been so good lately with the raging heartburn and aching hips. but besides bad sleep and looking like the stay-puft marshmallow man, i'm otherwise feeling good.

tyler had spring break this past week and enjoyed just taking it easy. he did do a lot of work for me as we (he) finally started to put the nursery together. he had a birthday on wednesday, turned the big 27, i took the day off of work, and we got to enjoy the day together with dinner and a movie. it's weird to think that going out on a date won't be so easy anymore or even possible for the first little while. i'm just so thankful we had so much time together to enjoy things like that.

being pregnant has made me appreciate a lot of things, mostly tyler. it feels like he loves me more now than before, which i don't get. i really do love him more now than when we got married, also something that i never got before but now do. pregnancy's also made me appreciate my mom and mother-in-law and all the other moms that i know who have been through this before, multiple times. it's also helped me appreciate my ability to get pregnant.

this is at 34 weeks. we brought a delicious chicken dinner to the beach. i love where we live.

30 weeks

I'm in the 75th percentile for size - feeling large and great about it

Feel the best in the past few weeks than I did previously: no back pain, no nausea, no heartburn, no more headaches, great sleep-not sleeping with pillows, few trips to the bathroom - I'm not expecting all this to last long but grateful while it is

Feet are starting to swell - sometimes just looking morbidly obese 

Starting to snore apparently - what the heck? Never knew that was a pregnancy side effect

Still feeling very exhausted from little tasks, like blow drying my hair or getting dressed - Worst part of my day? Trying to put on my socks and boots

Loving how baby's become my little portable heater - I hate being cold so I'm appreciating the constant heat I feel

Eating like a boss - for the first time I'm eating as much as Tyler and I usually finish meals before him and yes, it's showing - weight gain: 40 pounds

Worst part of pregnancy right now: Not fitting into ANY of my clothes
Best part of pregnancy right now: Feeling the baby move, especially those little feet and elbows

10 more weeks to go!

25 weeks

I'm now 26 weeks and starting to get uncomfortable. I can't imagine what it will be like near the end. My lower back hurts most of the time and I have weird upper stomach pain, like stretching muscles or something. I sleep with a pillow between my legs and under my belly. Baby moves a lot at night and that can sometimes keep me up. Sometimes I just have a hard time breathing comfortably. I've gained 30 pounds already and doc says I'm bigger than normal. Yup... But baby is healthy. I passed the glucose test this week. By the way, I thought the glucose drink was delicious! Just tasted like a sugary sprite. I bought a new ring from Claire's; my hands are permanently swollen. I still sometimes wear non-maternity shirts and pants, but I probably shouldn't. I'm loving Ross and have bought most of my maternity clothes there. We haven't started the nursery yet or bought many things. It's overwhelming so I'm procrastinating. Tyler's back in school and I'm really hoping that baby comes a little early or on time because his finals are a week after my due date! I'm planning on working right up until baby comes. Thankfully I have a low-key job. I can't imagine teaching while pregnant. Well, I'm feeling good and getting excited to meet this little guy.