Tyler & Jodi

well, it's true. tyler and i are going to have a baby! i'm 13 weeks now; baby is due late april.

we've been married for 3 years and for me this has been a perfect amount of time without any pregnancy/kids. we've been able to spend so much time just with each other - learning who we are and how to make each other happy. since i've been pregnant i've been a horrible wife. i can't stand to go in the kitchen so i don't make dinners anymore and i can't stand the sight and smell of dirtiness so i don't clean very much either. i always feel like i'm going to puke which surprisingly to me makes cuddling and touching pretty much impossible too. so i am so thankful i had those three years with tyler to be a really good wife. we also went on a lot of adventures together - living in arizona and texas, road trips, and cabin vacations - which i could see being really difficult with kids. i knew once we had kids things would change a lot and the last thing i wanted was to resent my pregnancy or my kids.

yes, i realize that i'm 28 now and no spring chicken, but my growing age never really pushed me to get pregnant earlier either. having kids absolutely terrifies me. i know i'm totally naive about it all, but i do know that it will be extremely hard and it never stops. i'm not the most energy-filled person. i love my breaks. i'm a dinner and a movie kind of girl; an ideal friday night is watching a movie on the couch with my husband. and i know being a mom will require endless amounts of energy. the responsibility is daunting too. i want to have smart, disciplined children that are strong members of the church and i know that will not be easy. i also wanted to have good experiences as my foundation before i tried to be a good mother so i'm really glad i was able to serve a mission and be a teacher for three years before having a family.

but i have always really wanted a family of my own, so here we are. we started trying to get pregnant in june. when i took the test in late august and saw the results, several different emotions flooded through me. my first reaction was gratitude. i have a lot of friends and family who have been trying for a long time with no success and i thought that would be me too. also, i'm pretty convinced that i have endometriosis. i've never been diagnosed but i have all the symptoms to a t, so when we were trying, i wasn't very hopeful. after i felt gratitude, i did have a moment of, "oh crap. what did i just do???" that feeling surprised me, but i think it's legit. this a life-altering, permanent change so, yes, it scared me a little. after that i just felt excited, mixed in with a bit of nervousness now and then.

i'd say my first trimester was pretty typical: a lot of nausea from morning to night, no throwing up but some dry heaves, strong food aversions (pretty much anything home-made), food cravings (pretty much anything fast food - especially subway and french fries), weight gain (8 lbs-all my pants are already a no-go), heightened sense of smell (i've been buying a lot of air fresheners), headaches, and exhaustion. i haven't experienced frequent bathroom breaks or moodiness...yet. just this last week i started to feel a little better. i don't feel as nauseous but i'm constantly hungry so i still eat a lot. i show a little bit in tight clothes but it mostly just looks like i just ate a cafe rio burrito.

i am really excited and really grateful to be pregnant. there is no greater calling than being a mother and while the depth of that scares me, i'm also excited to grow closer to heavenly father by taking care of his children. i'm happy with how my life's gone up to this point and i think there are good things to come.