i have this foreign sensation that i don't want school to end. there are three weeks left and i feel like it's going too fast. this is my last year teaching, probably ever, and although i haven't loved my job every single day, it's been my home for the past three years. i've had really great students this year and oddly enough, i'll be a little sad to leave. and i think a lot of that has to do with the fact that i won't be back. 

and i probably won't dance again either. 

i guess it's good that i'm enjoying my time right now. usually i hate may because tyler's gone, i'm living with my parents, and counting down the days. and yes, tyler is gone again. (it's been 5 weeks.) but i'm not living with my parents and the countdown, well, it's not really happening.

right now i'm grateful for contentment.

for the first time in my whole teaching career, i lost my voice this week. teaching without a voice, well, doesn't work. please pray for me that it will soon return!

byu dancensemble 2008

i just finished this book. i started it on friday and that's quite an accomplishment for a non-reader like me. i'm so picky when it comes to books. if there's any lack of interest, i won't pick it up again. but i'm proud to say i've read four books this school-year: a stolen life, heaven is for real, and half the sky, all which i highly recommend.

i felt so close to nie; it was so relatable to me, her being only a little older than me and growing up in utah. even though the event in her life was so tragic i found the book to be quite romantic. it's real, inspiring, and hopeful. i was surprised by her assurance after one date that she'd marry her husband; i was fascinated with her love for her kids; i was torn by her test but uplifted by her courage. most of all, i was encouraged by elder holland's thought to her to "be proud of [her] scars...they are a witness of a miracle."

how many of us consider our personal scars miracles?

i can't believe all nie has been through. and she seems so happy. read her book!

Last night my grandma passed away. I haven't had a grandparent die since I was ten. She's been really sick for a while; it wasn't a big surprise. But it's still a bit of a shock to know she's gone, my mother's mom, whom I remember so dearly from trips to the cabin and her home in Nevada.

My grandma had serious mental illness throughout her whole life. She had trouble growing up with her three sisters. The things my mom told me that she did to her when she was being raised used to make me cry. She never said "I love you" to her children. She would throw hot coffee at them. She would call them names, that they were fat and ugly, and constantly make them feel worthless. My mom moved out at 16 years old to struggle on her own because it was better than living with her mom.

Grandma Mary was always kind to me. I have all positive memories of her. I remember her being quite patient with me always wanting to play with her barbies at her home or being so welcoming and friendly to my friends at the cabin.

I can't say I never felt any anger towards her because of the way she treated my mom. But we really can never judge anyone because we can not possibly know exactly who they are and why they act the way they do. No matter how awful some people seem to be, every single person is priceless in God's eyes. Every person is His child. And our job is to love.

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

spring break in photos

  

 huntington and la jolla beaches

Blog Tag

I got blog tagged. Who doesn't like a friendly game of tag? So I've decided to play along.

THE RULES:
1. Post these rules.
2. Answer the questions provided by the one who tagged you.
3. Tag 11 people.

4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag.

1) What's the most difficult conversation you've ever had to have?

So lame...but with an ex when he broke things off. No I'm not still obsessing about this but I just wish I would have stood up for myself! Not fun.

2) What do you think about most these days?

I think about all the changes coming up in my life: leaving my job, moving to Florida, starting a new job, etc.

3) What is something you wish people knew about you, but they never seem to get?

I wish people knew I'm trying my best to be a good person. People have told me in the past that I'm negative, a poor sport, or too introverted but I'm really trying.

4) If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be and why?

I'm not a huge animal fan, but I would say a sloth. I think they're adorable and they like to sit around and do nothing which is, well, what I like to do.

5) If you could change your name, what would it be?

I have never liked my name. I've always wanted something more feminine like Ashley, Elizabeth, or Sarah.

6) Have you ever felt like you belonged in some other country or state more than your own? Where?

I really think I belong in Hawaii or some other Polynesian island. I like to chill, relax, and hang loose.

7) If you could only see the world in one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Pink. Duh.

8) If you could take one object to heaven with you, what would it be? (besides photos)

My computer. Really, what are we going to do all day without internet?

9) How would you spend your day if you had no T.V., computer, phone, or whatever electronic device you normally log your time away on?

If it's summer I would swim! Or do something outdoors like hiking or camping. If it's winter, I would probably be forced to read. See why I don't like winter?

10) If you could travel back in time to any day, what would it be?

So cliche, but Christ's time. Really, amazing. 

11) If you could have any talent, what would it be?

To be the best mother. Having kids freaks me out because I feel like I need to be perfect.

Tagging: Leah Pettit, Maggi Wulf, Sarah Henroid, Erinn Meyer, Carly Allen, Nicole Barber, Katie Matthews, Ashley Sloan, Chelsea Madsen, Kami Knudson (soon to be Bratten!), Heidi Pitchforth

Your questions:

1. If you could go back and relive any day in your life, what would it be?

2. What's your worst fear?

3. What is the single most important thing to you?

4. What's your most embarrassing moment?

5. Who have you learned the most from in your life and what did they teach you?

6. What is one regret you have?

7. If you could leave on vacation anywhere you wanted tomorrow, where would you go?

8. Do you believe in soul mates? Why or why not?

9. What's your favorite time of day and why?

10. What's your ideal date with your boyfriend or husband?
11. If you could give young women one piece of advice, what would it be?

 

where would you rather be today? needless to say, i'm so excited for florida. i've never been a winter person (especially in armenia where indoor heating didn't exist) and even though this winter in utah has been quite mild and bearable, i'm most definitely excited for great year-round weather. there are a lot of changes in store for us and i'm ready.

                                 

I read this quote a long time ago and I've always remembered it. I thought of it today and honestly forced myself to laugh when all I felt like doing was cry. So it kind of came out as a tearful laugh, but I did my best. I've had a rough last two weeks at work. Some of the drama included my dance stereo being broken TWICE, TWO different students crying in class, so MANY students being unprepared for a huge project, and a student basically telling me she hates me and my class. I broke today under all the pressure and just felt MAD. I was mad that I work so hard and things still don't work out. I was mad that I was doing all I could and more to help my students and I wasn't seeing all the returns. I was mad that I wasn't stronger. I was mad that I cared so much. But after I got over my pity party, I realized that I have it really good. I have a ton of students that do try really hard. I have a ton of students that are kind and positive and happy. I have a JOB. I have an amazing husband. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have everything I need to be happy. So I'm going to choose to laugh my way through life because I don't like crying either.